This little light of mine

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

I love this song and have since I was a child.  There is something about the words that really resonates with me.  It was written by Harry Dixon Loes and I feel it beautifully captures what it means to be empowered.  It is a wish I have for everyone - that we can feel all this power in ourselves.

Children are born with it.  They have this beautiful glowing light about them.  They shine with the hope, the wonder and the adventure of life.  If you take the time to listen to them they are alive with the possibilities of this world.  No one has told them yet that they can't be whatever they want to be.  They blindly trust in their ability to climb the tree, jump off the wall or go down the slide backwards.  

How do we keep this light alive even as we grow older?  What flips that switch from unconscious belief in ourselves to self-limiting consciousness?  

If I look back on my own life it is hard to pinpoint the exact moment is started but I have memories of the not good enough feeling.  One was linked to learning how to write in cursive (linked writing).  I had terrible writing and envied the writing of the other girls.  I became so self-conscious of writing and words - and I LOVED WORDS and stories.   I also remember being in the 5th grade and beginning to feel the burden of being different, of not quite fitting in.  The self-consciousness that occurred when I was smarter, or happier, or taller made me want to shrink back into myself and hide.  

The people around me did not help either.  I was told I talked too much, or I was too uncoordinated to dance.  Certainly someone my height should be better at basketball.  Who did I think I was.  Boys don't like smart girls who wear glasses.  I was even told not to sing in our class performances - just mouth the words - because my voice was too strong.  

I am watching a friend's daughter enter into this time right now.  She is in the fourth grade and is one of the most remarkable people I know.  I marvel in the clarity of her ideas and her remarkable art pieces.  She is all sparkle and dresses to reflect it.  It breaks my heart to see her beginning to diminish her own light.  In her mind her art isn't good enough, she can't do anything right and she is becoming  self-conscious of her body.  She is a smart kid and knows where she doesn't fit it.  The messages are creeping in - from her friends, from media and even, unwittingly, from me.  

Why do we do this to each other?  What is to be gained from making a little girl want to hide her bright light? Who could I be if I lived up to my potential and didn't hide from who I was anymore?

These were some of the ideas I was mulling over when I set off to Sonoma California to take part in the first of four Leadership Retreats.  There were 24 of us in this program, committed to learning and stretching ourselves.  I remember sitting in a circle with everyone on the first day, looking from one to another as they introduced themselves and immediately minimizing myself as I sat in awe of everyone and their accomplishments.  

There was one one woman in particular who seemed to have it all figured out - surely she did not hold herself back.  She is one of those people who is a magnet.  Everyone wants to know her and be with her, hoping to catch a piece of her magic. I figured she was someone who was fully embracing her shining light with ease.  But once again I was reminded that looks can be deceiving.  

Through the course of the week each of us worked hard to get in touch with our individual greatness.  We watched each other but as the week progressed it became more about love and support than self-consciousness.  And let me tell you the transformations were remarkable for everyone - even this woman who seemed so perfect to begin with.  With each day and each activity her light burned brighter and brighter.  It blew me away, the idea that this beautiful, friendly, funny, smart woman was like the rest of us. She was hiding her brilliance too.

I learned many powerful lessons during my time in Sonoma but perhaps the most important is the power of leaning into your own greatness.  Without ego or conceit we all can all see the greatness inside ourselves and embrace it if we just try.  Can you imagine how incredible this world would be if we all lived life as the very best version of ourselves?  If we edited that internal soundtrack that reprimands us when when we are putting ourselves too far out there?  This powerful scares the heck out of me.  But my commitment to myself, my tribe mates and the world is that I am going to live up to my potential.  I am done hiding my light.  Watch out world!  Here we come.