Life in the Now

“Begin at once to live and count each separate day as a separate life.” ~Seneca

The world lost a good man last week.  Marc Nelson was a father, husband, brother, son, friend and an artist. He was someone who made an impact on the people he met and he left this world tragically and too soon.  And every day since he died I have thought of Marc, and the legacy of love and music he leaves behind.

 I will admit I am not a close friend of Marc.  We went to high school together and knew each other through classes and mutual friends.  I even had a crush on him back in the day.  Marc always struck me as one of those people who had it figured out.  He was nice to everyone, transcending the usual high school groups and was always welcome - with his guitar, his humor and his general nice guyness.  His tribute to our Vice Principal was one of my favorite high school memories, one that I forgot about until this week.

I hadn't seen Marc in years but because of the internet I was able to follow his career, listen to his music and read his words.   I enjoyed listening to his albums and wished him well.  From the postings and messages on Facebook it is evident that Marc continued to cast a wide net in his life, impacting many with his spirit and his music.  So many people are mourning the loss of someone special.

As I read through the tributes, listen to his music and try to make sense of the senseless I am struck by the valuable reminder Marc's death provides me.  We only have one life.  And it can end in the blink of an eye.  So live it.  Live each day.  Tell people you love them.  Do what you love to do.  Look up from your phone.  Play with your children.  Create the memories.

I love that Marc continued to pursue his music, be true to his passion.  It seems he played as often as he could.  Weekly gigs, iTunes EPs and festival appearances speak to someone who understood the importance of living a life that embraces his passions.  It is nice to know that the guy with the guitar in his hand in high school was still carrying it all these years later.

This video appeared in my Facebook feed last week.  Maybe because of the kind of week it was it really spoke to me.  Regardless, I like it's message.  Everyday we are given 84,600 seconds.  We can't carry that time over with us.  It is up to us to make the most of it.  So What are you going to do with your 84,600?

Here's hoping we all remember to live our lives as boldly as we can.  And to Marc's family and friends - I am sorry for your loss.  Marc was a good man and his legacy stretches farther than you can ever know.  

I am a Writer

It always amazes me what can come from a long walk on a beautiful day.  Yesterday was just one of those days.

While walking along the Stanley Park Seawall on an epically gorgeous day I articulated one of my deepest held dreams out loud.  And now I am going to share it with you.

So...deep breath in.  I have a declaration to share with all y'all.  I am a writer.  I love to write.  I dream about it.  In fact, being a writer is my dream career.  I am always thinking up plots and things to write about.  I swear, I have written whole novels in my head.  It is what I should be doing...

So, effective today, April 1st, 2014 I am declaring:

I AM A WRITER.

Crap.  I said it out loud.  Not just to myself but to the universe (or you folk reading this blog).  And we all know you can't take back what is on the internet.  Gulp.  Now I actually have to do something about it.

Over the last week or so the idea of being a writer has floated around the edges of my reality.  I am working on capturing all the things I love - that is me alone, not me as part of a couple, friendship, company, group.  I am having my Julia Roberts moment in Runaway Bride - I am figuring out how I like my eggs.

The thing about doing this soul searching work is it is not always pleasant.  I have had to confront some hard truths about who I am and how I limit myself.  I was not surprised to learn that I am a turtle - I pull into my shell when something is scary.  This is especially true when I am confronted by a situation where I am about to put myself out there - vulnerable to criticism, failure, disappointment - all those things that make us human.  Here is how it works.  The little gremlins hear things like "Passion Adventure, Exciting Opportunity and Risk" and they go crazy.  With surgical precision they jump into full on turtle mode.  Pull into the shell, shut down, numb, sleep, escape, run.  Maybe they are even more bear like than turtle like - it is like hiding in a cave until the long winter is over.

Since having my aha moment I have chosen to turtle (hibernate) - no blog, no emailing, no writing in my journal.  Word silence.  Numbing.  In true Sharon form I decided to hide from what is the inevitable truth.  The Gremlins must be right - Something this big and scary, so heart poundingly exhilirating has got to be bad for me.  Think of the rejection, humiliation, hard work, rejection, frustration…rejection…

SeaWall Selfie on the Walk that Changed it all with Ron Renaud

Wait a second, do you see the theme there?  I am terrified of rejection.  I do not want to be told I am not good enough by someone else.  I mean - that is my job.  Creating stories that reinforce my inability to do what I have dreamed of doing since I was a small girl.  But there it is again - even in trying to keep myself small and hidden I create stories.  It permeates everything I do so I may as well get paid to do it.

Fortunately I have my resident coach and Pain in the Ass Ron Renaud helping me hold myself accountable.  Reminding me that words matter and that I am worth it Dammit!  So, over Chipotle, some Emmerson and the most glorious spring day I began my Year of Declaration:

I AM A WRITER!

Because my career as a paper mache artist is seriously in question - This was supposed to be a Soccer Ball piñata.

Soccer Ball Piñata